Domestic Violence
Effects on Children
It is significant that seven out of ten people who enter domestic violence shelters are children, underscoring how deeply abuse affects entire families. Experts agree that children who witness abuse and violence against a parent do not escape without emotional or psychological harm. Domestic violence can be life-threatening and has devastating, long-term consequences for children’s safety, development, and overall well-being.
Some effects can be far reaching:
Children who grow up in abusive homes are at increased risk of becoming either abusers or victims in their own relationships, as they may learn from important role models that using violence against a loved one is acceptable.
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Children in violent homes are impacted even if they are not the direct targets of abuse; even from very early ages, they usually sense or know what is happening, despite adults believing they are unaware.
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Children who are in crisis because of abuse or violence in their homes may not be able to clearly talk about their fears, worries, and confusion, and often express these feelings through their behavior and other non-verbal signs.
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Challenging or “problem” behaviors are common for children in crisis, especially those exposed to violence at home, and it is important to understand these behaviors as a way of communicating what they are feeling. Their actions can be valuable indicators of how they are coping with what is happening around them.
Children who live in violent or abusive homes may experience:
Chaos – Children may never know what to expect at home. The abuser’s mood can change instantly from loving to enraged.
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Fear and Tension – Daily anger and violence can create emotional and physical trauma for children. They may grow up being afraid of everything; trusting no one.
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Danger – Children may be the intended victim of an abuser or they can get caught in the middle and be hurt – or killed – by accident.
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Confusion – Children in violent households often receive mixed messages. For example,
at school they learn that hitting is wrong but at home they learn that abuse and hitting is used to “solve” problems.
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Isolation – The abuser often shuts off the family from the outside world. The resulting isolation may cause children to withdraw from their peers and other adults.
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Hopelessness – Children often blame themselves for the violence but feel powerless to prevent or escape from it.
Behaviors children in crisis may exhibit:
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loss of appetite, break in eating patterns
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sleep disturbances, nightmares, restlessness
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irregularity, diarrhea, stomach ache or other physical symptoms
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school problems, refusal to go, truancy, drop in performance
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withdrawal
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stranger anxiety
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clinging to mom and siblings
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shyness
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stubbornness
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fear of dark
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acting out at bedtime
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talking back
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verbally abusive
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increased violent behavior, fighting, kicking, hitting
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regression, bed wetting, wanting bottle or pacifier, baby talk, wetting pants, soiling pants, thumb sucking
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temper tantrums
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inappropriate response to discipline
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whining
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over sensitive, crying, intolerant to teasing
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role reversal, taking on a parenting role
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testing, pushing limits as far as possible
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lying
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stealing